What It Actually Looks Like to Do Parts Work in Real Time (Especially When You’re the Therapist)

Let’s talk about something that’s absolutely paramount when it comes to true, deeper healing—what it really looks like to do parts work with ourselves, as helping professionals, when we’re in the thick of it.

Because here’s the thing: we can do brilliant work with our clients. We can support them in navigating the very same issues we privately wrestle with. We can hold space for their emotions, help them map out patterns, teach them how to work with their nervous systems—and then get off that call, return to our own lives, and feel completely stuck in our patterns.

I know this feeling well.

Why We Get Stuck (Even When We Know Better)

What I’ve learned is that intellectual understanding doesn’t always translate into felt transformation. And that’s not because we’re doing something wrong. It’s because the patterns we’re struggling with aren’t rooted in logic—they’re stored in our bodies, woven into the nervous system, and shaped by the adaptations we’ve made in response to our trauma.

When we’re stressed, we don’t default to logic—we default to protection. We move into survival energy. That might look like shutting down, spiraling into anxious thought loops, getting laser-focused on fixing the problem, blaming ourselves or others, or trying to escape the situation altogether.

These are all things our protective parts do.

So, What Is Parts Work?

Parts work is an Internal Family Systems (IFS)-informed approach to creating internal harmony. The idea is that we all have different “parts” of ourselves—subpersonalities that carry emotions, beliefs, and memories. These parts aren’t bad or broken. They adapted in response to stress and trauma to help us survive.

Some parts have learned to be on high alert for danger. Others shut us down when we feel overwhelmed. Others push us to people-please, to flee, to numb out, or to get louder in hopes of being heard. And underneath those parts, there are often younger, exiled parts that carry the deepest pain.

When we’re operating from one of these protective parts—especially in our closest relationships—we tend to be reactive. But if we can pause and relate to the part, instead of from the part, we create space for more options. That’s what real-time parts work looks like.

Let Me Tell You a Story

Recently, I was triggered by something in my relationship. It was a situation that made me feel unsupported. And almost instantly, I felt myself spiral.

This protective part of me got loud. It was frustrated, overwhelmed, and deeply sad. It wanted to ruminate. It wanted to text my husband a detailed, emotionally-charged message. It had urges to either escape the situation entirely or force a solution right away.

This part of me was operating in fight-or-flight mode—and it’s a part I know well. She shows up when I feel like my needs aren’t being met or when past relational wounds are reactivated. She’s quick, impulsive, and very convincing.

But here’s what I did differently.

Instead of fusing with her, I paused. I noticed her. I didn’t shame her, and I didn’t try to fix her. I just got curious. I took a breath, scanned my body, and noticed the tightness in my chest and the heat behind my eyes. I let the sensations guide me toward the part that was so activated.

Then I asked, internally: What are you trying to protect me from right now? What do you want me to know?

After sitting with that, I noticed another part. A softer one. A loving part of me that tends to see the best in people—sometimes to a fault. She’s the one who gives the benefit of the doubt, who believes in people’s growth, who wants to defend others even when they’re wrong.

Usually, that part gets buried when my protector is activated. Because the protective part is scared that if I soften too much, I’ll self-abandon. And I get it. That fear makes sense.

But in that moment, I allowed both parts to exist. I didn’t force a resolution. I just let them both be there. And as I did, something softened inside me. I didn’t send the intense message. I didn’t spiral. I just… carried on with my evening.

That is the work.

Not fixing everything. Not “getting over it.” Not telling ourselves to be grateful or rational.

But pausing. Noticing. Feeling. Listening. Holding.

Why This Matters So Much (Especially for Us Therapists)

When we support clients through their pain, we often do so from a grounded place of understanding and compassion. But when we get activated, that grounded place feels out of reach. Because we’re not in our thinking brain—we’re in our survival system.

And if we’re not working with our own parts in real time, we’re missing a huge opportunity for healing.

Real-time parts work is a somatic practice. It’s not just about thoughts—it’s about tracking the felt experience in the body, following that thread, and allowing space for multiple parts to speak. It’s about being in a curious, compassionate stance instead of trying to logic our way out of pain.

Here’s a Simple Breakdown of What Real-Time Parts Work Looks Like:

1. Pause before reacting. Notice you’re activated and don’t try to fix it right away.

2. Connect with your body. Where do you feel this in your body? What sensations are present?

3. Identify the part. What is this part trying to do for you? What does it fear? What does it need?

4. Open to other parts. What else might be here? Is there a softer part, a more grounded part, a wise part?

5. Hold space for both. You don’t have to pick a side or take action. Just let them both be witnessed.

Final Thoughts

This work doesn’t guarantee perfect clarity or instant solutions. It doesn’t mean we won’t still get activated. But what it does offer is the ability to relate to ourselves differently, with more compassion, curiosity, and space.

And that’s where healing happens. Not in the rush to solve, but in the slow return to self.

If you're looking for a somatic therapist in California who uses a parts work lens, I'm currently accepting new clients. You can book a free intro call here.

And if you're a therapist wanting to deepen your somatic skills and integrate this work into your own practice, check out my somatic support membership just for therapists. It’s $37/month, delivered straight to your inbox each Monday with somatic tools you can use right away.

You’re doing sacred work. You deserve sacred support, too.